Help
With Your Rule
No Big Kids to Help Out - Rule Seems Impossible
Dear Holly
I have two daughters, a 2 1/2 yr old and a 10 month old. From one of your earlier posts about a rule with young children, it seems you can do one easily if you have older children to help out, but with my two little ones alone, this seems impossible. The 2 1/2 yr old takes a nap perhaps 3 times a week. The other days I try to get her to nap, but she sits in her crib and yells for an hour and it drives me crazy so that I can't get anything done. The 10 month old does not nap consistently, and when she is up alone, needs to be held the whole time. Some days they alternate naps so I am stuck in the house unable to do anything from 10-3 and I'm going nuts. The 10 month old gets up at 9 or 10 and goes to bed at my bedtime of 10:30, but the 2 1/2 yr old gets up at 8:30 and goes to bed at 8. Maybe I should stick them in their cribs at specific times , but I have a hard time listening to the crying, and one crying keeps the other one up.
Labels: 4th P Parent
posted by Holly at 9:36 AM
4 Comments:
I have a number of suggestions for this.
First, it seems to me if you want to regularize their nap times, then you might want to look at a similar rising and retiring time for both children. Personally, I'd get them both up at 7:30 and put them both to bed at 7:00 or so.
Secondly, I would question whether your children are actually tired (if you are trying to get them to nap after lunch, for example). They are both getting up pretty late, and I can't see how they would be tired by then. It also seems to me that you are getting your 'free time' early in the morning by avoiding an early rise for the kids.
I guess you'll have to decide when you want your extended quiet time - early morning or mid-afternoon. I personally would choose to split that time - a half hour before the children rise, and an hour during a post-lunch nap.
I am also not one of those who hold onto children all the time - my back would never stand it. So I would suggest that you accustom your 10 month old to various setting, close to you, with accessible interesting toys etc. Like 20 minutes in the highchair with crakers and juice , and then 20 minutes in the playpen with toys. Ways she can be with you but not on you.
Your children need you to lead them, not them leading you. How to lead? Ask yourself - "What is best for them?" and "What is best for all of us?" You need to make some decisions and be firm about this - and firmness can be kind and matter-of-fact thing, not authoritarian.
As for a mother's rule, I think the regularity and routine of a rule is in fact exactly what you need. I'd look at a 'standard life' type of schedule as a model -- say of a school child, or an office worker. Or look at your husband's schedule as a guide. There is a time to get up, a time to eat breakfast, and a time to go to work; a time for lunch and a quiet time after that; a time for supper, and a standard bedtime. I'd follow his pattern.
Your children are being random because their daily life is random. They need the routine as much as you do.
At first I burst out laughing at this post (I'm truly sorry, and don't mean to be uncharitable... please read on) After all, this mother ONLY has TWO young children!!! And here I am trying to manage with 8 and five of them are 5 and under!
Then I remembered when I only had two children. And, you know what? My life was WAY MORE DIFFICULT then! The hardest adjustment for me was going from two to three.
I really believe that Holly has given the absolute best answer. Get the children on a schedule/routine where they know what is expected of them when. Children thrive on routine.
Also, put your foot down and don't be a wimp when it comes to discipline. Before children are 5 are the best years for instilling obedience in them. Your 2 1/2 year old needs to learn to obey. You need to learn to be consistent in your discipline and not allow her to win because you don't like hearing her cry. She has absolutely learned how to get exactly what she wants by crying. She knows you'll give in eventually. You need to outlast her and show her who is the mother. You have a duty to raise these children in a Godly manner.
I'm not sure how you feel about spanking, but my 2 1/2 year old receives a spanking for crying when she is put in for nap. (However, I never put her in when I know she is not tired. She has a set time everyday.) I give her a couple minutes to calm down from the spanking and then I tell her to stop crying again. If she doesn't listen, she gets another spanking. She is one tough cookie, but she knows I can outlast her.
Another bit of practical advice that I've learned over the years. Put them to nap in separate rooms. The 10 month old can be in a pack in play or playpen in a whole different room. I think that will solve some of the problem of them keeping each other up.
As for having older children to help out, it took many years for those of us who have older children to get to where we are. It took many, many years of training them in obedience and how to do certain things. That training starts when they are toddlers. It is not too early to get your 2 1/2 year old to start helping you and instilling in her the virues of diligence and doing one's duty.
Leslie
(Momma of 8, ages 11 - 3 months)
There is an amazing book to help sleep train your children called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. This teaches parents how and when to put children down for naps and bedtime. Good luck and remember we are all in the same boat!
Holly has it right on! The kids have to have a regular rising time and regular nap times! My kids get up as soon as they hear (or sense, or whatever) movement in the kitchen, which is usually before 7 AM when my husband is getting ready for work. Unfortunately, I don't like to get up then, but I keep telling myself that this, too, shall pass - LOL. Really, the time we have them at home is so brief. I figure I can handle it for a few years. I won't regret getting up, but I might regret staying in bed and shushing them when I could be making better memories for them.
Anyway, I have 5 children, ages 5.5, 4, 3, 1.5 & 3 months. The 3 youngest have a nap after lunch. Whether they sleep is up to them, but they are expected to stay in bed for at least 45 minutes. They are in separate rooms with the doors closed. They usually sleep for an hour and a half. The two older girls have "quiet time" when they can read books or color or do something quiet until the littles are up. I use this time to take a short nap with the baby, pray a Rosary or chaplet, read my email, and check what I need to do in the afternoon.
Some of my kids have been more "clingy" than others, but I simply cannot hold them all the time. I had to teach them that I had to do some things without them. It may sound strange, but I use a timer. I set it for 15 minutes and do what I need to do. Then the kids kow that when the timer goes off, Mommy has time to play (for 15 minutes). Then I set the timer again for the next task. The kids know that i will have time for them again when it goes off, and I still am able to get some things done.
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