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How Much Prayer is Reasonable for Mothers?
Dear Holly
MROL has really helped put prayer back into my life. Before kids, it was all prayer but no sacrifice, but after kids, it's been all sacrifice and little prayer! So now I am ready to live a balanced life of work and prayer and bring order into my life. This past year has been a great struggle as I have felt a great need or urge to be alone with God, but didn't know how to fit it into my hectic schedule. Now I have hope.
I have a question about how to pray. As it stands, in the morning, I do verbal prayer - the Angelus, Morning Offering and Morning Prayer (of the Liturgy of the Hours), and then I spend some time meditating and talking or listening to God . I haven't designated prayer times for the rest of my day yet, but I often get in some spiritual reading in the evening and do Evening Prayer ( although I'm not yet consistent in this).
Much of the time, I find I want to pray while I'm doing my work - you know, like a rosary during dishes. What do you think about this? How much time do you or others who are following a rule spend in 'just prayer' time, without doing other things like cleaning or showering, etc? I am attracted to the Carmelites but their rule has over 6 hours a day in prayer, and as a busy Mom, I know that's not possible. But what is reasonable for my vocation?
Labels: 1st P Prayer
posted by Holly at 1:57 PM
6 Comments:
First off, let me say you are inspiring me! To have such concerns is a sign, at least to me, that God is calling you to a deep relationship with Him - towards contemplation. A strong desire to spend time alone with Him is a call in itself, so just say "Yes". I'd immediately tell you to pray over the Interior Castle by Teresa of Avila.
Now, on to your question. I think there is meant to be a healthy balance of both formal prayer times and the informal practice of the presence of God throughout your day. For formal times, I know Fr Corapi (see EWTN) has certainly recommended no less than 1 hour a day for laypersons.
For me, when I began my rule, I figured I would tithe 10% of my time to God, just like I tithe 10% of our family income. That meant 2.4 hours of prayer a day. So, I have my 30 minutes in the morning before the kids get up; 15 minutes mid-morning during their recess; 30 minutes after lunch; 30 minutes with the family at night; and another 30 minutes scheduled in the evening. Four days a week I now get to Mass with the children, so I don't always spend the whole half hour at night. And I have an adoration on Friday nights.
I don't usually go past this 10% of time for structured prayer because I know God wants me to do my other duties too. I think the amount of formal 'prayer alone' time depends highly on what God calls each unique individual to, as well as their particular family situation, and I don't want anyone to be intimidated by what seems like a great amount of prayer in my life. Sometimes it doesn't seem enough...
However, Jesus also said to "pray always" and this is done, not by formal times, but by turning our minds and hearts toward Him throughout our other duties. Eventually, we want our whole life to be a habitual prayer. One of the main purposes of a mother's rule is to free our hearts from other things so we can focus on Him. To talk with him throughout the day is what we want to have happen.
This will lead to the very heart of the rule - contemplation & eventual union with God. When we feel our hearts drawn to God from deep in our center; when we desire deeply to be alone with Him in stillness; when we seem to be pulled inward toward Him - this is actually a supernatural 'recollection', and is the beginning stage of infused contemplation. With contemplation, we live and move within Him, loving Him as we go, doing all we do from the depths of God. This is where we want to be, and the only prerequisite, outside of fidelity to faith & moral teaching and the serious practice of our rule, is our consent to God to "Do with me as you please" and the desire to be with Him.
I hope this helps you in your discernment...
Hi,
I am a mother of 5, new to this site. Your comment about the Carmelites caught my attention. My husband and I are Secular Order Carmelites. We joined three years ago. It is a huge blessing in our lives. The requirements take about 2 hours per day; they include; Morning Prayer, daily Mass (when possible), 30 min. of mental prayer, Marian devotion (Rosary or other), Evening Prayer. You are also required to attend the once a month community meeting. This meeting is wonderful, it is a monthly retreat. We meet at a monastery. We begin the day with Morning Prayer, then a business meeting, then the Carmelite priest gives a conference for an hour, then we break and Father hears confessions before the Noon Mass. After Mass we eat our sack lunch together as a community. Then we divide up into our formation groups or classes, where we study various Carmelite saints and spirituality. This day begins at 9:30 and ends at 2:30.
I hope this helps.
If you are interested in looking at the secular order of discalced Carmelites just mentioned, a third order designed for lay members, you can view their constitutions here:
http://www.ocdswashprov.org/legislation/OCDSCONSTITUTIONSFinal.htm
(you might have to type this in as opposed to just click it)
Hi,
I just found this site - thanks be to God! Such a wonderful support for mothers! I have a couple questions. I am a new mother. I have only one child and she is almost one year old. I usually say a morning offering, 5 decades of the rosary, and an evening prayer during the day. We try to go to daily Mass 4 days of the week and to first Saturday Marian Mass.
It is difficult for me to do these things by myself though. I usually say my morning offering after Grace is already awake so I am distracted. I try to say my rosary during her nap or right before I go to bed when she is already asleep. However, sometimes I am so tired that I need to nap with her and I know I won't be able to stay up late, so I say it while she is awake. I feel I should spend more time in prayer and that I should be more attentive during my prayers. I am willing to give up sleep if this is right for me, but I am breastfeeding and want to be sure that I am healthy and able to produce plenty of milk for her.
I too have inquired about the 3rd order Carmelites. Our priest put me in touch with a woman in our area. However, it seemed that this was not something you can do when you have a baby since you must attend the all-day retreat once a month. Is this true for all secular orders?
I would love any suggestions that you can offer.
God Bless,
Katrina
Katrina, have you ever thought of praying while you nurse your child? She certainly won't be talking and distracting you. I used to do this. Other than that, I'd work through the 5 Ps (in MROL) and see what you can do with your daily schedule to get more clear prayer time.
Hi Katrina,
I'm a 3rd order benedictine and a mum of 3 under 4. I don't know how beneficial this will be for you because if you are in the U.S.A. the nearest monestries of my particular order The Adorers of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, of Montmartre (Tyburn Nuns), to you would then be in South America. Their website is www.tyburnconvent.org.uk
if you are interested. You don't have to live close to the monastry to be an oblate(the name for a 3rd order benedictine). I live on the west coast of Australia and the monastry is on the east coast, 1000's of km's away. I live in my own little monastry, my home. They are an enclosed, contemplative order who do perpetual adoration. Every now and again we get a newsletter telling of the monastries news, and a small booklet with info on how to offer our lives better to our Lord. The obligations are:to live in the spirit of the rule of St. Benedict, to go to Holy mass whenever possible, to say the morning offering of Mother Foundress daily, to say at least Lauds and Compline or if prevented the Rosary, to make 15 mins personal prayer daily(when convenient before the Blessed Sacrament), each month to make an 1/2hrs personal prayer before the Blessed Sacrament and to annually renew your Oblation. I thought I was called to become a 3rd order Carmelite and then surprisingly I was led to be an Oblate! There are Benedictine Nuns in the US, contemplative I think too, but you wont find many of these orders on the internet, they just arn't internet people. You can also become an Oblate with an order of monks too. Be careful however as some are not very orthodox. I have found if brings a sense of peace and order to my life. I'm very interested to read Holly's book because I've heard it's great. Well I've written quite enough. We all have different paths, perhaps this could be yours perhaps not.
God bless,
Sharyn
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