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Thank you!
Holly

The MROL Workbook

Available Here!! The Mother's Rule of Life Workbook!!
A practical tool to assist you in beginning or improving your own Mother's Rule of Life.

Establishing Your Practical Rule
A step by step guide including focusing meditations on the 5 Ps, detailed questions and charts and forms to help you plan, organize and implement your own Mother's Rule.  For those who do not know where to begin, or for those who need to start again - this printable eBook is available to  help you bring and maintain order in your home and family life.

Includes:
- how to determine your own natural flow of activity through the day
- how to grow in fidelity to daily prayer and arranging the time and circumstances to do it
- questions and charts to assist in meeting your physical and personal needs
- healthy eating daily charts for weight loss or management, with sample meal plans
- areas to examine for support of your spouse
- tools for overseeing your child(ren)'s religious, psychological and social formation
- room analysis sheets, chore charts and samples
- finance and budget charts
- and much much more

This workbook is for anyone who wants organizational assistance in bringing order to their home, their schedules and their personal and family lives.

To obtain your copy of Holly's MROL Workbook  "Establishing Your Practical Rule", 

please go to the "Donate" button on "Holly's Helper" page on this site.  Make a donation of $8.49 with a note in the message box "MROL Workbook" and it will be emailed to you as soon as Holly checks her email next.

The MROL Companion

Now Available Again!! Holly's NEWEST eBOOK!!!

The Key to  Finding Meaning in our Vocation, Getting Control, Staying Motivated 

and Becoming Strong!!

A Spirituality of Modern Motherhood

Without a sense of the purpose of what we are doing, many of us find ourselves floundering - unmotivated, overwhelmed, lacking in conviction or consistency, with a house and family life that shows it....   The 'shape' of our house (and our waistlines!) often reveal the shape of our souls and the interior struggles we experience within.  Tough economic times don't help, with the added stress of saving money through our efforts, and concern for the family in this time of global financial uncertainty.

The only way to overcome these difficulties in our lives is to "develop strong convictions" said a recent Pope, and that is exactly what Holly's 'spiritual companion' to A Mother's Rule of Life sets out to do -    
- to strengthen us in our vocations as women, wives and mothers
- to give us meaning and purpose 
- to motivate us to 'try again' where once we may have given up...

This is a spiritual reflection on our vocation as wives and mothers in a time of great cultural upheaval. How can we be the best we can be and have the strength to do everything we're called to do?   

To obtain your copy of Holly's newest eBook "A Spirituality of Modern Motherhood", 

please go to the "Donate" button on "Holly's Helper" page on this site.  Make a donation of $6.49 with a note in the message box "MROL Companion" and it will be emailed to you as soon as Holly checks her email next.

Where to Start on the 2nd P?

Dear Holly,
For several years now I have put myself very last most of the time. I recognize that I need more than I have been giving to myself, but I am really uncertain how to proceed. I have prayed about it and trust that God will answer me, but I would like to know if you have any suggestions for where or how to start. I tried thinking about what I am doing right but came up mostly blank. I have found a lot of joy in my life and I do not suffer from depression. I am not coming from a negative place in my life. Actually, I generally feel very fulfilled with the things I do although lately I have felt a need for something more. I have wanted to have a better, more focused rule recognizing that it will be a very good thing for me. I look at this as a good opportunity to make a very positive, very big change in my life. It feels right. I just find myself a bit clueless on figuring out this particular step.

When Our Husband Has A Vice...

Dear Holly,
I was reading older posts on the blog and read that you quit smoking after 27 years, 13 of those 'trying' to quit...  My husband is a smoker and it has been an issue in our relationship since we met over a decade ago. He has tried to quit several times and has been successful for a few months at a time, but always starts again. I used to nag him to quit and realized through prayer that this was not effective whatsoever. I was wondering if you had any suggestions for things that I can do as his wife to support him in quitting without nagging him? I have been praying for him daily and I don't get on his case about smoking anymore. Would you mind sharing what finally worked for you and any suggestions you may have?

When One Must Attend to the Little Ones...

Dear Holly,
I have a question I imagine has been asked before, so forgive me if you're forced into redundancy! I'm wondering how to balance the 'P's', particularly person/partner in the midst of a difficult newborn. My husband and I have 7 kids under 13, and our 4 month old girl has been quite a handful! I feel that just taking care of her needs fills my entire day. She cries if not held (won't let the other kids hold her, much to their chagrin), and refuses to sleep without my nursing her. My basic needs really haven't been getting met (just getting a shower is fantastic, never mind brushing teeth!). So I'm at a loss when I think of how I could even begin to put myself or my husband first, never mind that the other kids have gotten brushed under the rug as well. I can see that I could ask my husband could pitch in more with the baby so I can take care of me a bit, but how on earth can I put him or the other kids before a demanding newborn?

On Saints & On Dining Rooms...

Dear Holly,
Do you have a favorite saint or group of saints whose intercession is particularly applicable for us homeschooling mothers, trying to create faith-filled homes of beauty and order?

Also, in a week or two, we are moving to a new house. It will be a tight squeeze, and I am trying to think outside the box for how to use the rooms most effectively. I am trying to apply the Kindergarten Model of organization advocated in Julie Morgenstern's Organizing from the Inside Out , where she suggests putting all the things you need to do an activity in one place, the place where you do that activity. I am getting stuck when trying to figure out how to organize the tiny dining room -- with the thought that most of our "table work" will be done there. Do you have suggestions or thoughts about this idea?

A Realistic Approach to Holiness

Dear Holly,
I want to thank you so much for your wonderful book.  I have nearly completed reading it.  I have a young baby and my husband I have been married two years.  Right after getting married we moved across the country and I started graduate school.  I think learning the virtues of being a wife were put on hold as I attempted to adjust to all of the new changes we had, and again when our little one came.  Before marriage I had a strong spiritual life and growing up did not have a clear example of what a wife and mother ought to be according to the beautiful teachings our church.  A few months ago I felt very stuck and depressed.  I had your book on my shelf and finally started reading it and implementing it.  My greatest struggle came from not understanding this work as growing in virtue.  I am doing well now and working on maintaining the right order of priorities and overcoming sloth.  I am so impressed with your book because often when I read self-help books they don't quite match up to solid philosophical and theological thought.  I have not found that in your book.  I discovered I can implement the ideas in MROL, I connect personally to the concept because I have always practiced my faith seriously and I have a penchant towards organization.  I am not discouraged at my lack of skill or generosity because these are virtues for me to work on (not merely something I either am or am not).  Before I was married I wondered how a person can be married and still seek union with God (practical concerns!).  You describing your own path towards receiving that gift of contemplation brought light to the answer to that question.  Thank you so much for this book and God bless you!

Overcoming Mental Block

Dear Holly,
I have been trying to implement the MROL on and off for the past 4 years. I think I do pretty well with the First P, except for the morning prayers. I can't seem to drag myself out of bed early enough to get time for myself to pray. Also the children wake up at various times in the morning that it is hard for me to figure out what time to get up. I could get up at 5:30am to be safe, but then I would be useless to everyone during the day. I usually pray while I am getting myself and the children (3 kids under the age of 4) ready for the day. Mornings feel horrible for me, the children are whining that they are hungry, and fight over who gets to snuggle with mama in bed, while I'm trying to get the baby out of harms way. Then I end up getting out of bed angry.

Also, I have worked through your workbook, and reread parts of your book and it all makes so much sense to me. I want to do it, my husband really thinks this is exactly what I need, especially with beginning homeschooling in Sept. In a perfect world I could get my act together to do it. I make nice charts on the computer with things scheduled and for some reason I just can't follow it. I get so tense thinking about having my day rigidly following a scedule. I am afraid my children with "interfere" with my trying to do this. My husband thinks it's a fear of failure, that I am just sabatoging myself. I can't even make a meal plan without getting stressed out. I have made meal plans that took so much time looking through cookbooks and finding recipes, then one thing happens that week and I don't follow the meal plans at all. It ends up being a waste of time. I can make the plans, but am anxious while doing them, then I can't follow through.

I have been able to keep the house in order, but not the way I planned it, just when I feel like something needs to get done I do it. Somedays I don't get out of the kitchen because the work seems endless. I want to spend time with my children, but it just doesn't happen. There are days where I haven't even had time to sit down and read a book to them.

I don't know what it is, I know I am all over the place. I would love for you to shed some light on this for me! I would like for the MROL to work for me, especially with my son really looking forward to schooling this fall and our family needing to get on a restrictive diet for health reasons. I need to get over this, please help me!

Almost-Empty-Nest Mom & a Mother's Rule

Dear Holly,
Well, it is finally here. My youngest child is graduating from high school and will be entering college out of state at the end of the summer. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 28 years and homeschooling for 15 years. I have been practicing a Rule of Life for about 5 years and I just don't know what to do now.

How do I create a new balance between Person/Partner/Parent now that the Parent part is not looming so large? I don't know how to describe my feelings about this. I guess that I am a trifle distressed by this. I have set aside so many dreams and hopes while raising my children and now I am overweight, middle-aged woman who isn't sure what she wants to do anymore.

Balance Between Charity to Others and Living One's Rule

Dear Holly,
I am working very hard on having an orderly home and routine. I have a long way to go, but what has been accomplished so far has brought much peace to my family and me. However, I am having a bit of a dilemma and would like to hear your thoughts about this situation...

My sister-in-law has 4 small children under 6. She is young but regularly asks others to care for her children, usually my mother-in-law or myself. In the past week alone, it happened 5 times, which is not unusual. Her outings are not emergencies, just "fun" things she wants to do, and she seems to have no qualms about asking. At times I feel taken advantage of. I plan my weeks out carefully, making sure we have time to do all that's necessary and spend time together as a family. We do not go out often, and perhaps I'm just not sympathetic to her because that's not how we are. I should also mention that I am older and have only one young child. We've had many miscarriages and fertility problems, and she always tells me how "lucky" I am to only have one (she says this in front of her children!) and sometimes she even prods too far into such a painful topic for me, as if she enjoys hearing all the horrible details of our troubles. This makes it hard for me to like being around her.

My question is this - when she asks me to babysit a couple of her children while she and her husband go do something with the older ones, and asks only the day before the event, and asks often, what should my response be?

Her children, except the baby, are pretty poorly behaved, but I do love them and part of me wants to give them a sense of normalcy and order and love for a few hours; but part of me resents being asked only a day prior (or the very day!) to watch them. I'm trying so hard to live a good rule and have an orderly home, but these kids can really create chaos in a short amount of time... I'm not sure it's good for my child to be in that environment very often, and it throws me off schedule.

My first instinct is to say no to her, but I'm not sure if I'm correctly balancing my vocational priorities (having a peaceful home and daily routine, and making sure hubby and son are cared for) and charity for others. Where do you draw the line between being kind and helpful and not being walked on?

Is Summer Free Time?

Dear Holly,
With summer here, I am feeling particularly challenged by not knowing what to schedule in my 14 and 13 year old daughters' daily schedules. My first thought is to use the first morning hours, til 10, for chores, "family reading time" and other things like piano practice. That would leave lots of time to plan time with friends, etc. I also thought, since we pay for a swim club membership, that we could pick 2 or 3 days a week to go to the pool, leaving other days for trips to the shore, visiting, downtime at home, shopping/errands, etc. I am hearing lots of complaining from my older daughters, and before I address the complaining, I need to look at the heart of what they are complaining about. I do think they just have an unrealistic vision of summer as 100% free time, not scheduled.

Finding Time for a Day Out!!!

Dear Holly,
I am really feeling the need for a regular Mother's Day Out. I am an introvert and recharge by being by myself. Each Sunday evening, I drive an hour, attend mass, and then drive another hour back. But I really do not feel like that is enough. Plus, that mass will be ending in about 8 weeks. My husband works nights so sleeps during the day. I have 6 children aged from preschooler to sixteen. The 16yo babysits frequently for me -- including Sunday evenings when my husband is at work and I am at mass. The other main factor in my situation is our schedule for school: we are in school now and follow the liturgical calendar. So we take off Church Feast days (feasts, not memorials), birthdays, baptismal/first communion/confirmation/saint days. We usually get about 1 day off per week, but are scheduled Mon-Sat so in reality we get about 5 days per week of school. We take off all of Eastertide for our 'summer' break.

That was the setting, now the dilemma. I do not feel like I can take a MDO on a school day. I think you understand. I don't think I could count on it for the irregular day off. We just have too many other things going on: 16yo babysitting job, music lessons, mass, field trips, etc. I could probably swing it on Saturday afternoons and evenings since my husband usually has that night off, but we usually go to mass as a family that night since my husband cannot go in the mornings due to his work schedule (he stays up nights even when he is not working to not mess up his body clock). On Sunday mornings, I take some of my children with me and go to mass again. We are very involved in our parish and the boys are altar boys, plus I usually catch up with people on Sunday mornings. The mass is at 8:30. Then we go grocery shopping on our way home. Due to gas prices this is the best choice for a grocery shopping day.

I think that in reality, the best day for a MDO for me is Sunday starting from about noon until I would get home from the evening mass. But I am hesitant because then I really would not see my husband from Sunday morning to Monday morning. Plus, I feel like it would be putting a great deal of unfair expectations on the 16yo since she would have to watch the other children while my husband slept and then after he went to work and before I returned home -- all told about 5 hours. Is that fair to her? She is very gracious, but I don't want to take advantage of her. Finally, in reality, while not ideal, I would also use some of this time as school planning time and as shopping time. Like I said, not ideal, but at least I could get some uninterrupted planning time. Also, I think I would only do this about every other week.

I seem just stuck by this schedule and cannot think of any other options.

Moods and Feeling Down...

Dear Holly,
I can relate to so many things you wrote in your book. I, too am depressed and moody sometimes and haven't found help or anyone who will stick by me. I try to offer it up and take St John's Wort. I have prayed and prayed for God to take my moodiness from me and after many years have come to the conclusion that this is just the cross He has given me. None of this other stuff matters as long as I can one day hear God say "Well Done". Being the mother of five with a husband that has his own emotional issues is overwhelming sometimes. I am hoping that one day my rule will bring order to my vocation and help me to be the mother that God wants me to be.

Baby Steps to Success

Dear Holly,
I got your book a few years ago and read through it so quickly then put it away. But I found it again recently and now am trying to put some lessons from it into my daily routine. Whenever I try to do something like this, it always seems like a great idea and then falls through. So I am trying to take the tiniest steps possible. I have read through the beginning and am going to take things one P at a time. I have kept myself from reading past the chapter about the second P until I can get some healthy habits established about the first two. Right now I am adding a daily rosary and having the family say a hail mary together. It seems so little, but at least it is something. Perhaps with the prayer time built in, graces will flow for more than what we are doing now. I haven't tried to schedule anything beyond prayer time. Right now my rule is more of an attitude towards my vocation and just trying to see that even the little mundane things are holy acts when I should be finding Jesus.

One on One Time with Kids

Dear Holly,
After going through the “Mother’s Rule Workbook” I was hoping I could get your input and the input of others on a specific area that our family struggles with. Under "Personal Relationship Time" you discuss spending time with the children individually so that they know they are loved and respected by me. How does a large family with many small children (we have many children 10 and under) accomplish this? Any suggestions or examples of what others do would be greatly appreciated.

On John Holt's Unschooling

Dear Holly,
After reading your response on unschooling, I wanted to write to say I have been uncomfortable about some Catholic authors using John Holt as a model of Catholic education. Can you clarify any more on this?

A Resistant Boy & Homeschooling

Dear Holly,
I have a 6 year old who is at the end of his first year of homeschooling. (He has been doing 1st grade work.) He is very capable and seems to do the work well and understand it when he does apply himself. The problem is he does not apply himself regularly and it requires a notable fight to get him to sit and work. Over the last year, I have had another baby. I am sure this has something to do with it, but I am at a loss. He shows me little respect as his teacher, because he already knows everything. When I do work with him to teach him something new or work to correct his mistakes, he is incredibly rude and does not focus on the information. We are planning on homeschooling again because we think this really is what we are to do, but I am at my wits end and find myself wanting to give up and send him to public school (we can't afford Catholic) because I don't feel like we are accomplishing anything academically or in our spiritual lives or relationships. Actually, I feel our relationship is much worse after this year and I don't think he is truly ready for 2nd grade academically such that I feel we need to continue to work on 1st grade work through the summer.

Please help me. I want advice and guidance on how to get through the summer, repair the damage, and prepare for a new year of homeschooling that will be successful and peaceful.

Unschooling & Catholic Education

Dear Holly,
I wonder if I might tack on a question and ask you to elaborate a bit on this topic of homeschooling. I have been homeschooling our 7 year old for two years. I have jumped from curriculum to curriculum, not being satisfied with any one. Recently, I discovered John Holt and have been reading about unschooling. While, I don't think I can be a total unschooler (given my controlling nature), I am intrigued by creating opportunities where my children can learn in an environment that is naturally motivating for them, but I don't know how to create those opportunities. In addition, I frankly don't know how to find the balance between some standard curriculum and life experience learning. My children greatly prefer the latter.

Because I have not yet found the success that I deem ideal, I often question whether we are called to homeschool. However, much of that is based on fear and I try to remind myself often that God's plan for success often doesn't look like my own.

The Call of Catholic Homeschooling - Examining the Signs

Dear Holly,
I'm the mom for 5 beautiful children. My middle daughter has struggled all year in kindergarten this year and is asking to be homeschooled. I feel in my heart that it's the right decision for us. My oldest daughter has been coming home from school with disrespect and a sassy attitude. I feel like I'm losing touch with my daughter. Another child will be in kindergarten next year. I really want to have them home next year but I'm afraid of being overwhelmed. I have a very active toddler that keeps me busy as well as an infant. I just implemented my rule in my home so I'm still not confident in myself just yet. How do you know taking the leap into homeschooling is right? I have a Masters in Education but I've never used it. I"m so afraid of what my friends and family will say to me. How do I build up the confidence to do what is right?

Pre-Teen Catholic Sexuality Program?

Dear Holly,
My daughter is 10 years old and in grade 4 French Immersion in a secular school. She is not in the Catholic School system because my husband and I wanted her to learn French which we could not teach her ourselves. We do not speak French but wanted to give her the opportunity that we never had. I'm a believer that religion starts at home anyway and that is something I could do. I teach her catechism every week at home, we try to live our faith and attend church weekly.

My question for you is what resources/books you would recommend to education her on puberty and the many changes that she will be experiencing these next few years. I could not find any recommendations on your website nor could I find anything at our local Catholic bookstore.The upcoming health unit at her secular school is generic, is not age appropriate for her and God is not in the picture at all. I know when I was a grade 5 student, we saw a sex education film at our Catholic school and there alot of information to process at one time and God was not mentioned at all. I'd like to make it easier for my daughter to handle the information, have a easier time with all the changes to come and how God fits into the picture. What would you recommend?

Summer Rule?

Dear Holly,
I was wondering if you had any suggestions for a Summer Rule? School is out. Things can be a little less structured, but I don't want to completely abandon the rule all together or follow a Sick Day Rule. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts.

A New Single-Mom... Sort of...

Dear Holly,
My husband took a job truck driving a couple months ago, so I'm mostly a single mom now. Of course, I am able to stay at home with my two kids under five, but I am having a seriously difficult time adjusting. I am so overwhelmed most of the time now. I never was able to get a rule put together before, and now, though I know it would help, I feel like I'm spending my entire life trying to avert disaster. I have lived with a terribly disorganized home, partly due to my husband's inherited pack rat nature. He's letting go a bit on that, so I have been able to start sorting stuff to sell or give away. But, obviously, I have no help, so the kids tear apart faster than I can straighten up. And there is SO much to do. Believe me, I'd hire someone to help me if I had the money. But we are running a tighter budget than ever before, so that's really out of the question. And no family around to help, either. My 5 year old is speaking disrespectfully to me lately and is a technology addict already.

How do I do all this? I have no time, and I know that things should be easier than this, aside from the emotional adjustment of the new situation. I recognize that I try to take on too many things at once, but I can't even think with all these messes everywhere. I just want them gone! I keep thinking that if I could only get one week of solid work on the house, I'd be pretty well set, but how? The kids are young enough yet to need me and my guidance, sometimes constantly, much to my frustration. I know that THEY are my job, too. I'm so overwhelmed that I'm even considering finding a new home for the puppy, because he's just one more thing to do. The worst part, actually, is my attitude about all of my life lately. I'm always feeling harrassed, overwhelmed, irritated, angry, frustrated, exhausted, etc. I'm feeling like I'm one step away from total meltdown, and can't catch my breath. I really try to not "dump on" my husband when we talk, because it's hard on him, too, being away from home all the time, but I have no local support either. I don't find friends easily, and unfortunately, those few I have I can never get in contact with even just to chat, because they are so busy. I feel like I need help, but I just don't know where to turn. But how can I go on like this, alone? I'm drowning.

Only An Hour a Day for the Children...

Dear Holly,
I am at a loss on how to implement the mother's rule in my life. I work outside of the home 5 days a week ( 8am - 5pm). On a work day - I only get to see my children ( a pre-schooler , a toddler and a baby ) between 6pm and 7pm before they are ready for bed and most weekends I am home full time unless I have to do errands ( on which I take my children ). But I am always exhausted - on the verge of tears some days ... My husband pitches in when he can but he also works full time and he is in the final year of his doctoral studies . I have a nanny but its like the moment I walk in the door everyone just wants me to do multiple things ...

A Pile of Questions...

Dear Holly,
My cousin gave me your book to read and I devoured it. That was 6 months ago and my plan was to have my rule completed by Lent to start it but that has not happened yet. I told my Spiritual Director he would have it by today to look over and I am still a little stuck. If you could please help me with a few things I would REALLY appreciate it!! I just have some questions for you and I will write them below.

How old were your children when you started the rule? I have 3 children under the age of 8, with a very active toddler aged 2. How do you discipline your kids and how long did it take them to adjust to the rule? My toddler is so ACTIVE. I mean you have to watch him constantly or something major will happen. I printed out all the things you did with the little ones while schooling the older ones but if my littlest one is not in the action with us, it is hard to keep him preoccupied. I am finding it difficult to school the other children.

Also, my husband does not have a license temporarily, so we all have to get up in the morning, pack the car, and take him to work, which can take 30 minutes on either side… not to mention, then picking him up after work, if he has a meeting that day, or if he needs to run an errand… It means I can't pick him up at the same time every day. I can make my rule but it seems very hard to stick to it because it will depend on what he has going on and his workload on what time I pick him up. Do you think I should just make a general rule for now and when he gets his license make the rule more detailed?

Do you get fatigued ever? I find that if I am out running errand I am ok but as soon as I come to the house to start chores, cooking, I get SOOOO tired. Do you think that is the devil trying to get me not to do my work? God bless you always and thank you so much for any assistance you could offer me.

Lots of Changes...

I just finished reading your wonderful book. I loved it and I appreciate your honesty and how real and down to earth you are! I'm 23, married and have a 4 month old who is my first. My husband and I recently moved. Since our move I feel like any sort of discipline and organization in our lives has disappeared. Within a few months we had moved cities, started a new business, had a baby and begun renovating our house. Our move was very haphazard and our stuff ended up in the garage for months. I feel completely overwhelmed with the prospect of getting our house and lives back in order. I'm confused about how to meet the needs of my baby while being able to have some sort of schedule. She does not have a very consistent schedule and nurses a lot. Her nap time gets shorter every day it seems. I feel like I barely have time to shower every day or do the laundry or even make the bed! Not to mention, there are a million other things to do to just get our house back into some sort of order. I feel like I'm starting way behind the race. (not that this is a race but I feel that way sometimes.) Some days I get things done and actually have dinner ready for my husband and other days every time I try and put the baby down she wakes up and I don't have a free hand all day.
Anyways, I am sure you understand my predicament. I guess I feel I need a little more concrete advice on how to begin forming my own rule while I have a nursing baby who is not totally predictable in terms of sleep and eating patterns.

Family Prayer Before Leaving for School?

Dear Holly,
My question is about prayer time for children. I have a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a 6 month old. My husband and I have evening prayer with them which includes: the Lord's Prayer, intentions and prayers of thankgiving, a song, blessings with Holy Water and a big family hug at the end.
I want to start a morning prayer with my kids before school. I don't homeschool, so we have a limited time in the morning before we have to leave to drop off my oldest. Do you have any suggestions for types of prayer or things that we could do that are appropriate for their age group?

SOS! Another New Baby on the Way!

Dear Holly,
My problem is I am pregnant, again!! I know, that shouldn't be a problem. The baby certainly isn't, but another pregnancy!! I have delivered 4 beautiful children since 2005. This will mean I'll have 5 children, 6 yrs and under!!!
I am starting the homeschool journey with my oldest. In theory, I am completely committed, in practice, I AM DROWNING!!!! Just when it seems that I am getting there; new baby sleeping at night, body healing, starting to get into a good routine... I am pregnant again, and it all falls apart! I know what to do to make my household/homeschool work, I just don't feel human enough to execute it. The kids spend a good part of the day in front of TV (educational, but still), and I am falling asleep cooking dinner! My husband supports the homeschooling plan, so long as I can manage. But lately he has been dropping hints about the local Catholic school. He is a wonderful help when he is home, but he is a carpenter, and works very hard. So his end of day help doesn't put a dent in the disaster that is our home. PLEASE, I need support, advice, thearpy, something!!!!! HELP!!!!!!

Setting Up a Mother's Group & the MROL Workbook

Dear Holly,
I am writing on behalf of a group of Catholic mothers who meet regularly "to sit at the feet of Our Lord", both to hear His Word and study the Catholic faith, and to serve the Church family by sharing as a group the Christian call to hospitality. We plan to use your MROL as our next study, so I am writing to request information on the workbook mentioned on your website.

Could you advise us on how the workbook is meant to be used? Is it something we would each need a copy of, or will it suffice that the leaders purchase one and use it for our face-to-face discussion? Does it contain discussion questions or is it intended to be a practical guide? If it is only available in the e-book format, does this mean it can printed out on paper, or is it only accessible digitally?

We thought we would break the sessions down into two chapter increments, which for us would span 10 weeks since we meet bi-monthly. Does this seem like a good plan? Do you have alternate suggestions?

I have personally read your book several times since becoming a mother a few years ago. I cannot imagine the mother I would be now if I had not been pointed to your words. I am so grateful for the wisdom God has imparted to me through you and I can't wait to share the rule with others. Thank you for all your time and dedication to Catholic mothers.

Scheduling with Husband's Shift Work

Dear Holly,
My question is how should I make my daily/weekly schedules? My dear husband works nights (4 pm - 2 am) and days (8 am or 10 am until 7 pm). Those times are approximate because he often gets overtime and his commute can be longer on days with heavy traffic. Also, each week the days off and the pattern of shifts is different, making planning very hard. Have you had a similar question/schedule which you could point me to? While I am learning that flexibility can be a virtue, I love order and see such a need for it in our lives. I have four kids, ages 6 and under. I'm home full-time and trying to homeschool my oldest two. I've been tempted with discouragement quite a bit at times, but I can see God pushing me to keep working at it.

Be Not Afraid...

Dear Holly,
My husband has finally given me the go ahead to homeschool next year after my waiting for a number of years. Of course, suddenly now that I have it, I'm quite nervous about all those things I thought I'd never be nervous about! I do stay often in touch with a wonderful Catholic mothers' group who mostly homeschool, so I do have lots of support there and am trying to get in touch with the local TORCH group. We moved away from my dear friends a while ago, but thank the Lord for email!! But, pulling the kids out of the local Catholic school now has me a little stressed-it's the leap of faith on my part, but my kids will be excited, so thankfully I am not too worried about their reaction. Any comments?

Nurturing Our Children's Vocations

Dear Holly,
I'd like to know how to nurture our girls into choosing their vocation? Living in the world, kids seem to think that it is their decision alone. How do we guide them to seek God's will for their lives? When parents suggest that, it can seem to the young person like they're suggesting a foreign concept. Many of the mothers I know all feel this pressure, like we have only so many years to nurture our authentically Catholic women (when we are learning ourselves!).

Establishing Order in Our Lives

Dear Ladies
A lovely little mediation on "Order" by Scepter Publishers.... worth reading and mediating upon in relation to our mother's rule of life and our home routines... A perfect tool for the beginning of the new year to help us focus upon the priorities God asks of us and to bring peace to our homes and hearts.
"Order" by Joseph Soria

High School Children Affecting One's Rule?

Dear Holly,
I am writing to ask you how your family has approached high school. I homeschool my five kids, ages 14 to preschool. My oldest will finish 8th grade this year and will begin high school level next year. We are considering sending her to the local Catholic high school. I just wondered if you could give some input regarding your Rule, and any changes that you made when the high school years began..

Purchasing the MROL Workbook & MROL Companion

The MROL Workbook is available for purchase here.
HOW TO: You can go to Holly's Helper's Page on this website and find the 'donate' button. Click on that, make the workbook payment of $8.49, and type in MROL Workbook in the description blank. We both get a receipt or record of this. When I get this, or a request from you following the receipt, I will send you the MROL Workbook (eBook) directly, as soon as I next check my email.

The MROL Companion is also available for purchase here.
HOW TO:  You can go to Holly's Helper's Page on this website and find the 'donate' button. Click on that, make the companion's payment of $6.49, and type in "MROL Companion" in the description blank.  We both get a receipt or record of this. When I get this, or a request from you following the receipt, I will send you the MROL Companion (eBook) directly, as soon as I next check my email.

Praying without Personal Encounter with God?

Dear Holly,
The main thing I'm still struggling with is prayer time. I am reading "Full of Grace" by Johnnette Benkovic. It is also stresses the importance of prayer. She mentions vocal prayer, meditative prayer, and contemplative prayer. Here's my problem. I love to read. I'm always reading a spiritual book, like "Full of Grace" and have no trouble reading the Bible. However, I don't feel like I'm really spending time with God. My favorite way to pray is to go before the Blessed Sacrament, but somehow this hasn't happened. I need to make a solid schedule for adoration & confession twice a month. I think I can do this with the help of my husband. I just wonder whether reading a spiritual book "counts" as prayer? It definitely gets me thinking about God more.

I struggle with checking things off the box. For instance, I feel great about the fact that I read a section of the Bible nearly every day, however, I'm just reading it. I don't feel it speaks to me, except for a verse here and there. When I pray the Rosary (occasionally), I still feel like I'm just checking off the box (prayed the Rosary, check; read the Bible, check) but I don't feel like I'm growing closer to God. Mass, adoration & confession, reading the Bible, and vocal prayer (like the Rosary) are the only ways I know in which to grow closer to God. Other than just talking to God, which I haven't been doing because I get so distracted (so that is why I'd rather just journal to Him).

A Good Marriage Book?

Dear Holly
Is there a good book on marriage that you recommend?

Panic Attacks & Perspective...

Dear Holly,
I've been having panic attacks regularly, though I'm trying to keep things in perspective. I think that a schedule would really help things. I really long for a proper schedule for myself and my kids. I have thought about this, and prayed about this, and kept records and made lists... but nothing is coming together. I was wondering if you have any ideas. My children are both transitioning... my 2 year old son out of naps, and just won't do quiet time in his bed without screaming or just being very disruptive - (I'm just not doing tv for him because he just isn't old enough) and my 9 month old son out of morning naps. He also wakes very easily when there is any noise in the house, so some days he doesn't sleep longer than an hour all day. If my 2 year old does take a nap, he is not tired until 9pm, or both kids will not nap at the same time. They both wake up at 6am, waking each other up usually. Every day is just completely different. My husband makes fun of me because it seems like I'm constantly trying to map out a schedule for us and then the next day everything falls apart when people nap or don't nap or something else goes wrong.
Also, I'm having what seems to be an impossible time keeping the house clean. Even something as simple as cleaning up the kitchen seems virtually impossible sometimes. The children must both be constantly monitored it seems. We do have a very small house. Usually I have a 2 hour slot of time after the children go to bed. During this time I guess I should clean the house and do chores, but I really like to do my prayer and bible study and spend time with my husband. I clean about 30 minutes, which isn't enough. The house is a wreck all the time. I don't think it's disgusting or filthy, but it's not immaculately clean.
I am usually able to keep my patience and calm with the kids though. I spend almost all my time and effort on them, while they are so little. I'm able to make sure they have healthy things to eat. I have been getting some prayer in. Any advice?

Appropriate Punishment?

Dear Holly,
I am writing because I need advice on an appropriate punishment for my homeschooled teen son. I just discovered, by going through my internet history, that instead of researching hot springs and geysers for a paper, he got side-tracked and visited many sights pertaining to nudity, nudism, by following the links his sources provided along with the other information). It was in the middle of the day and I was within sight reading aloud to my younger child. My son is, of course, very upset. I believe this is the first time he has done something like this. Obviously we made a mistake - we had just loosened up our restrictions to the internet by allowing research for papers. I am really angry and afraid for him (his soul) because I see this as a part of his weak self-mastery. I am afraid he will be plagued as an adult by an inability to avoid temptation or follow his curiosity. My dilemma is: Do I come down very hard on him for this first infraction and hope it will be a deterrent? Or do I do more of a daily heavy chore type of punishment so it's daily reminder and save my full wrath for something really heinous? I looked at everything he saw and it was mostly topless girls, nudists, and one site on human anatomy with totally nude detailed drawings of both genders with labels. I'm sorry to ramble but this just happened and I thought of you and all your good advice.

Trouble with an Older Teen...

Dear Holly,
We are having some serious issues with our oldest son who is a senior in High School and I am tempted to blame myself totally and feel like a failure. This leads me to believe that I will never be able to be a good mother and "Why am I trying?" and "How did God think I would be able to handle these children?" etc, etc.... I have to fight hard against that and I do, most of the time! Any words of advice?

About Following Through...

Dear Holly,
I am about to read your book for the 4th time! I absolutely love it and it teaches me something new each time I read it. I am so grateful for the sharing you have done with us. I have 6 children from the late teens down to a young infant, most of whom are homeschooled. I absolutely love homeschooling and so do the children. I keep reading your book because I have failed, so far, to implement a rule at my house. I have made many improvements but I can't seem to work out a rule. I did put something down on paper and I followed all the charts, answered all the questions, wrote down what each of us should be doing, BUT never followed through. I guess part of the problem is that I am simply trying to follow a schedule without the prayer part and in the past I have always tried to fit my family into someone else's plans. One of the improvements I have made is finally realizing that I need to form my rule and other things like curricula, according to my family's needs. Yea! I finally get it!! The reason for my email? I guess I just need some encouragement and/or feedback. I am hoping the Holy Spirit will send me some sort of message through your blog or response to me.

Catholic School Not So Catholic?

Dear Holly,
I am writing to ask your thoughts on the Catholic identity at our local Catholic school. My two children are in early primary grades. I have had to pull them out of the sex ed and safe environment classes. Additionally, there are many little non-Catholicnesses going on, although there is some great stuff going on too. I try to avoid complaining about the little stuff because I am rather outspoken regarding the sex ed programs. But, it is so tough to send the kids to a Catholic school and spend so much money, and to have to pull them out of classes. I just wonder what you might assume would be the appropriate balance between protesting the inappropriate of the programs so that they may eventually be withdrawn, or just pulling the children out and leaving it at that. I really battle with this. I talk with my husband, but we have trouble coming up with an answer we are comfortable with. Homeschooling is not an option as my husband does not wish this for us. Public school these days seems even scarier though than what is presented in the Catholic schools.

What to Do About Pornography

Some women had written awhile back about the problems caused by their husbands involved in pornography. I refer you to two articles from Zenit that are very good:

What to Do About Pornography Part One

What to Do About Pornography Part Two

Blessings....
Holly

Church & Community Service

Dear Holly,
Where would you place service to parish or community? Is that just not one of the "Ps" at all? I am directing my church's Vacation Bible School this summer, and realize it is taking up a lot more of my time than I thought it would. I'm not sure that means I should never sign up for something like this again...or I am just not prioritizing it correctly. By way of background, I have 3 children under the age of 7 and I homeschool.

Children's Sleep Schedules and Mummy's Personal Time

Dear Holly,
I have been *trying* to implement my own rule for the past few months. I have a soon to be 3 year old and a 6 month old. I think I have two stumbling blocks - my melancholic temperament (if things don't go as planned I feel like a complete failure/indecisveness about everything/procrastination for perfection) and my inability to work out a sleep schedule for my children. In the evenings my toddler does not fall asleep until 9:30/10 and then my baby is up at 5am. I constantly feel like the day never ends. When I hear or read that many mothers are free after 8pm, I wonder what I am doing wrong. If I want any time to myself for solitude, I have to have it after 10pm which doesn't give me enough sleep to get up at 5 (My son nurses about every 2 hours during the night). I end up feeling resentful and exhausted. Is it unreasonable to desire some evening down time after the kids are asleep? I keep telling myself that maybe my state in life right now will not allow for this. I try to keep from 1-3 for "quiet time" in our home, but there is no guarantee of nap time for either child. If I can get my baby down then I can read some books and lay down with my toddler who almost always falls asleep w'/ this routine. My toddler needs this uninterrupted time w/ Mom to fall asleep. The baby on the other hand is a different story. He no longer falls asleep nursing or rocking. I try to put him down in the crib after a feeding and singing a hymn to him. Usually he ends up crying and then I have to pick him up. He then becomes overtired and that much more difficult to fall asleep. I have tried to follow the exact same routine and pay attention to all the sleeping cues so that I don't miss the opportunity. I have also tried your suggestion to a previous reader on your blog to observe how the baby lives for a few days before developing the rule. I have tried this too. Some days he is consistent about taking extended naps, but for the most part, I find it to be unpredictable. I am spending way too much time trying to get him to sleep. It is hard not to, though, b/c he will be yawning, rubbing his eyes, getting fussy so I keep trying.

The Schedule I'd like to implement:
6-8 wake up/Daily readings/make beds/nurse/hygiene/
breakfast/clean up/start laundry/Children's prayer
8-11 baby nap/quality time w/ toddler/baking/food prep/finish laundry/dress toddler/toddler hygiene/household paperwork/planning/La Leche/email
11-12 outdoor time/park/walk/swim
12 lunch/downstairs tidy/hygiene
1-3 children naps/quiet time/rest/Rosary/Divine Mercy
3-6 snack/play/put laundry away/dinner prep/organizational projects/
6-8 dinner/clean up/family time/walk/baths/children bed prep/stories
8:15 Kids Bed
8:15-9:30 couple time/final walk thru of house/empty dishwasher/internet/spiritual reading for leisure (i.e. Catholic Motherhood, St. Therese, etc)/hygiene
9:30 Bed

Can you help me with this?

Worn Out & Discouraged

Dear Holly
I have an inablity to create a working rule (or any kind of peace and order) for myself and our family. We have five kids, from infant to teens. My husband and I both work full-time ~ this is a necessity where we live because we just couldn't get our bills paid. We're up to our necks in debt.

We've been on the brink of divorce several times and I can't recall a time when the atmosphere at our home has been calm and peaceful except when the oldest two kids were small. Since then there's always been some strain. There's no problems of violence or substance abuse or anything like that, 'just' selfishness on both sides, mutual disrespect. When I started working, all of a sudden my husband expected me to pay all the bills and use the money he earned only for his own needs. Another area where I have been building up resentment is contraception. I've had difficulty learning NFP and my husband has counseled me to have abortions, and has seemed glad when I've had my many miscarriages. About parenting, we've never had any kind of discussion with my husband about principles, I feel so alone there too. All we are capable to do is blame each other when something goes wrong.

I was given a free upbringing myself and somehow I just subconciously feel I'm restraining the children or something when I try to get them to do their chores or just to obey. I guess I just don't know better, even though I've read tons of books on parenting. I'm happy that the kids have turned out pretty good despite, just lazy, but no major problems. But I feel I'm running out of time with the older kids, they'll be soon leaving home and what kind of education have I given them.

Around six years ago, I had a conversion to Christianity - there I just didn't have anyone else to turn to anymore than Jesus, whom I had never seriously prayed to before, and He helped, gave me some peace. Then Pope John Paul II passed away and I began reading his teachings on morality and found they were just wonderful, continued praying, and mustered up the courage to go to a Catholic Church. I couldn't understand much of the Mass, and even less of the Adoration that followed, but on the spot I knew that this was the Church I wanted to be part of. No any kind of dramatic conversion experience, but it just felt the right thing to do. I was received to the Church a few year's back. I haven't been depressed since.

My husband was baptised Catholic, but I had never seen him go to a Catholic church since I'd met him until I dragged him there. The standard answer is "I can pray at home". In any case he has some reverence for the priests,proved by the way he listens to any kind of advice he gets from them. I know I should just try to be more kind and loving, let the love of God speak for itself and not even try to preach. But I'm such a beginner myself that it's very difficult. And at least to the children I've understood that it is my duty to 'preach', to teach them our faith. Except that to this one of my teens always replies something like 'it's not my faith, I hate it, it was much better when we never went to church, I will leave the Church the minute I turn 18' and so on. I really don't know what to say to all that.

Do you have any thoughts about where I ought to begin?

Co-Ed Sleepovers?

Dear Holly,
I have a question for you regarding Co-ed sleepovers for children. Our youngest daughter has had several sleepovers with two young boys at our good friend's house, who are very good Catholics. However it as never felt 'right' to me. Our other children rarely had sleepovers, let alone co-ed. After much discussion, my husband agreed that we would stop the co-ed sleepovers.This has caused my friend to be upset and confused by my action.And I'm questioning if my judgment is sound in this regard. What is your opinion on co-ed sleepovers for younger kids?

Yay For Apple!!!

No Porn for iPhone & iPad
Truly Family-Friendly!
:-)

A "Sick-Day" Rule

Dear Holly,
First of all, let me say how much I appreciate your book and website--not only have you given structure to our days, but believe it or not you introduced me to the terms "rosary" and "chaplet". :) I was very ignorant, but oh how those two things have helped my prayer life.

My question is this: I know, in my bones, that we do much better when we stick to a rule. But invariably it seems like we get sick and the rule goes out the window. I've been thinking about how to make this stop happening (when we're sick we need structure more than ever!), and I'm wondering what you do?

I'm thinking about some sort of backup "sick rule" with pared-down housework/schoolwork etc. I have only two children under 3, but we do some pre-school stuff every day. I'm trying to prayerfully revise my rule, now that my son is not just walking but running; but this time I'd like to take sick days into account.

Crazy to Think It's The Devil?

Dear Holly,
I had established a decent Rule and was adhering to it beautifully, even praying five times a day. The effect was transformative on my life, and I loved the regular communion with God. However, something happened over the past few days, and everything has fallen apart. I've been quarreling with my husband, bitterly quarreling, for no real reason. I feel disappointed all the time. I have a really negative attitude for seemingly no reason. I've been praying about this, and three times now I have been pointed in the direction that the devil is attacking me. The way I've discovered this is embarrassingly random.... three times, I've asked God "Please tell me what is wrong" and opened up three different reading sources. Each time the subject has dealt with attacks by the Devil. Once was scripture where Jesus is tempted in the desert, once was a quote by St. John Chrysostom about "Why God Permits the Devil to Tempt Us" (pg. 358 of Catholic Prayer Book edited by Father Hardon) and the third time, I opened up The Story of a Soul to when St. Therese was tormented by the Devil when lying in bed ill.
Does this sound crazy? Anyway, I'm sure my family and friends would think it is crazy. How do I get past this? Kick myself in the rear end and force myself to go back on my Rule? I'm even worried about mentioning this to the Priest. Is this a common thing?
I desperately want to regain the presence of the Lord in my life, and I also worry because I am being so nasty to my husband.